Sunday, July 29, 2018

Relaunching In Good Spirits

Over five months ago I launched In Good Spirits Podcast, a new website and show that was going to be dedicated to Flames Of War and other Battlefront/Gale Force Nine games and models. As well as voicing my growing passion for 15mm historical wargaming, it was also an exercise to help control and alleviate the mental illness of depression and anxiety that I suffer from.

It actually got off to a great start with 3 shows being put out there, plus regular content on the website coming mainly from a linked Instagram account. Page views shot up from the 6K mark to over 17'000 in just a few weeks.

And then the depression and anxiety hit, and hit hard!

I got diagnosed with the illness about a year ago now, and while I take medication to manage some of the more stronger symptoms, there are days when it all becomes too much and I can't focus on anything other than getting the dark voices to shut up.

When those days come all interest goes out the window and since late February I've been in a swirling vortex of indecision, lost focus and lack of creative mojo. I had been asked to do some writing at work for the new Flames Of War books Iron Cross and Enemy At The Gates (more on those in later posts) but wasn't able to manage more than a couple of sentences, so had to recuse myself from that project, which stung.

And then the magpie syndrome hit.

This is when I see the new "shinies" coming out (Age Of Sigmar 2nd edition, Star Wars Legion, Blood Bowl, Kill Team, Adeptus Titanicus, Vault Of Dragons - the list goes on and also includes paint ranges, novels, movies.) and I flit between each one, overly excited and totally going to focus everything on this one minute, then dropping everything, flipping it on eBay, and grabbing everything to start the new shiny.

This is when I know I've hit depression hard, and this run has lasted nearly five months. It's lessened somewhat recently, but even today as I write this (Monday 30 July) it feels like moving through tar and there's a constant voice at the back of my head, no longer screaming but whispering "Just give up. Have a good sleep. None of it matters anyway."

Well - fuck you mind voice. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep putting one foot before me, paint one more miniature, read one more book. I might not have been able to write anything for Enemy At The Gates but I can damn well paint a new Soviet army.

With the launch of the Eastern Front range coming up at the end of August, the office are getting into things by building new armies and playing some games, which I'm chronicling via a series of Facebook articles. I'm building an M3 Lee Tank Company, all painted in winter camo, a technique I've never done before so that will be a good challenge for me.

You can't quite make out, but there's three layers of my Sherman Drab mix on these tanks.

I'm also starting to read-up on the history of the war.

So all this activity - hopefully - means I'll be back to recording a new episode of the podcast, one that looks at Flames Of War and the upcoming Eastern Front releases.

1 comment:

  1. Just sent you a PM on FB but very good blog post mate.


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