Surfing The Waves Of Depression
It has been a tough few months dealing with the anxiety/depression. I've barely had any energy, just wanted to sleep all the damn time and as well as neglecting my household chores (sorry Lucy) I couldn't find the strength to do any hobby activity or even read.
I could surf the internet though looking for anything that would distract me from how I was feeling. Star Wars Legion and then Runewars Miniature Game became this major distraction, along with Citadel Paints - yes, I bought all these, using funds generated from selling off the last obsessions.
All this is a sure sign of another bout of deep depression and anxiety. (see Recognising The Signs)
It didn't help that with work I also attended the wargame show SALUTE 2018, and while I thoroughly enjoyed talking to people about the various games and models we create and sell, the set-up didn't go as smoothly as in previous shows, thus elevating my anxiety to near homicidal levels.
Seriously; certain people don't know how close they came to a full on JP-Hulk-Out.
Removing The ClutterI sat down and made a list of everything I felt the need to be involved with: social media sites, games to play, books to read. It went on and on. Here's a basic breakdown of what I had cluttering up my mind.
- Social Media Sites x 16
- Websites I owned x 4
- Games to paint & play x 24
- Paint Ranges x 4
- Books Series to read / re-read x 37
- DVD's owned x 412
- Phone cases x 6
- wallets x 6
- Social Media Sites x 1 (Facebook - but mainly for work purposes)
- Websites I own x 1 (this one - In Good Spirits Podcast)
- Games to paint & Play x 6 (TANKS, Firefly Adventures, Imperial Assault, Mice & Mystics, D&D, Burrows & Badgers)
- Paint Ranges x 1 (Army Painter Warpaints)
- Books Series to read / Re-read x 5 (Star Wars, Redwall, Shannara, Pratchett, King)
- DVD's owned x 0 (all transferred to digital)
- Phone cases x 1
- Wallets x 1
Just making this decision, writing it down, and then slowly starting to action it has given me an injection of calmness. I truly believe that by the time all the DVD's have been converted and put on ebay, along with the excess books, cases and all the other shit that has somehow been accumulated over the years (years, who am I kidding - I bought 4 new game systems and 2 paint ranges in the last month alone what a dumbass!) I'll feel a thousand time better.
The deletion of the other side-track websites was a big thing for me. This was me committing to In Good Spirits, a site and podcast that was originally created and titled to be a Flames Of War dedicated site, but somehow, quite organically really, changed to what it should have always been, a place for me to keep my focus, using tabletop games as an incentive and spur for positive action.
So - that's where I am right now. Midway through the big PURGE and feeling much better of myself. I'm slowly going to be introducing an exercise regime cunningly disguised as regular golf - I bought a cheap set of clubs and have sorted membership at the Trent Lock Country Club just a few minutes from my house. I hope to start that next month, and go at least once a week. Bit scary but it's something that will get me out the house, keep me exercised and get me strong both mentally and physically.
More about that on a later episode of the show.