I suffer from anxiety and depression and have done so for many years undiagnosed. One of the symptoms is an inability to remain focused on, or finish, certain tasks or projects, and for those who know me in the wargaming community, this has presented itself with dozens of half started armies, game systems and painting projects.
Here's a list of just some of those un-finished projects, reading lists or paint range swaps:
- Horus Heresy: Betrayal At Calth
- Horus Heresy: Burning Of Prospero
- Horus Heresy Black Library novels
- D&D: Castle Ravenloft
- D&D: Temple of Elemental Evil
- The Legend Of Drizzt novels
- Blood Bowl
- Warhammer Quest: Silver Tower
- Age Of Sigmar: starter set
- Age Of Sigmar: Sylvaneth
- Age Of Sigmar: Khorne
- Age Of Sigmar: Nurgle
- Age Of Sigmar: Tzeentch
- Age Of Sigmar: Death
- Age Of Sigmar: Destruction
- Age Of Sigmar: Ironjawz
- The Walking Dead: All Out War
- Project Z
- Zombicide: Black Plague
- Army Painter
- Foundry Paints
- Vallejo Game Colour
- Star Wars Legion
- Various Star Wars novels
That's just a small sample. Scary, isn't it? Just think of all those models bought, half-assed started and then sold on - yes; everything on that list (with the exception of the D&D Drizzt novels) got sold - some multiple times. I dread to think how much money was wasted there.
But even worse, how much energy was wasted? How much time?
I've always prided myself on how organised I am. I have spreadsheets for everything at work, and for home as well - checklists to keep me focused each day with daily tasks, reminders and tick boxes for when it's complete. So when I see all these unfinished, some not even properly started projects, it's very disappointing.
And recently, after doing really well I've started to suffer a setback with my condition, one that I can now recognise for what it is: depression. Instead of happily getting about my hobby projects, I've been wasting time and energy again browsing the 'net and checking out possible new games to get. Aliens Vs Predators; Blood Bowl (again); Warhammer 40'000; the list goes on.
But what is good is that I did recognise the signs and could do something about it.
This website will chart that progress with all its ups and downs (and I'm editing this post nearly nine months to the day later - there were lots of downs I'm sorry to say).